A couple friends & I have been having conversations about successful co-parenting. We’ve agreed that co-parenting means working with the other parent to meet the needs of the child. We’ve agreed to disagree in determining what holds more weight or value in meeting the needs (i.e. financial support, physical presence, emotional support, etc). We agree that ultimately we want to be viewed as a great parent.

One friend made a great point. He stated that the only person(s) that can judge you as a parent is your child(ren). No matter what you or others think, your child is the only opinion that matters. This was such a simple yet profound statement; especially since this particular friend doesn’t have any children. This is probably the most truthful statement about being judged as a parent.

Who else is most impacted by our parenting styles? Who else has the most access to witness our failures and successes? Who do we test our growth on throughout the parenting journey? OUR CHILDREN! If someone compliments you on being an excellent parent, but your children hate you are you really an excellent parent? If your children adore you & set goals to be “just like you” when they become parents, but others say you’re a horrible parent are you really a horrible parent? Yes, it’s all about perspective. However, I think we can all agree that, as parents, we aim to be regarded as great by our kids.

We want them to point us out as their heroes, role models, lifelines, BFFs, & all the other positive titles spoken in acceptance speeches. We want to know that our children always felt we loved them. We want our children to feel safe, secure, & confident because of us. We want our children to want us in their lives. We want adult children that strive to remain close to us (not necessarily in physical space) & not work hard to separate from us. We all want our kids to say, “My parent is the best!”.

So, in all our co-parenting & parenting efforts let’s be sure to check in with the children to evaluate our success & make changes as needed to be great. I challenge you to ask your child(ren), “How would you rate me as a parent? What grade would you give me & why?”. If you’re really daring ask them, “What could I do better as a parent? What ways have I failed as a parent?”. If you accept the challenge, be sure to not reprimand or respond negatively to the responses. Take the feedback & apply it to your self-growth. Parenting feels like a blessing & a curse at times, but it’s still one of the most rewarding & life changing jobs in the world.

“There are times as a parent when you realize that your job is not to be the parent you always imagined you’d be, the parent you always wished you had. Your job is to be the parent your child needs, given the particulars of his or her own life and nature.”  — Ayelet Waldman

“Nobody ever becomes an expert parent. But I think good parenting is about consistency. It’s about being there at big moments, but it’s also just the consistency of decision making. And it’s routine.”   — Sebastian Coe

Disclaimer: The image is courtesy of public access of https://ncrsol.org/2020/01/21/parenting-aint-easy/ and retrieved on 8/21/2021.