I somewhat inadvertently gave up the mission to be a “good parent” about 8 years ago. When I started this parenting job, I knew there were things I was committed to doing differently from my parents. I also had an intentional conviction that I would also do all the things on society’s checklist of “good parenting”. I started out strong & successful. I limited my kids’ music choices, controlled screen time, smothered them in literacy, required family style dining, set a strong religious foundation, always showed up, kept them busy with positive activities, implemented all the E.C.E 101 skills & knowledge I gained, and so much more. I incorporated some traditional practices, from my upbringing & culture, with my own innovative ideas; especially when it came to discipline. Oh y’all, I was proudly vain in my mastery of “good parenting”. Then, my daughter – she’s my oldest child – entered middle school & my parenting pride balloon was burst! I internalized ownership & extreme guilt for her plummeting grades & social challenges. Her adolescent funky attitude had me questioning all my tactics, & I began to resort to the very things I vowed I wouldn’t do regarding discipline. I was beginning to lose my status as a “good parent”. Or, so I thought.

As we navigated through her adolescent years, and my son robustly burst into adolescence, I realized that “good parenting” is conditional based on your family structure, values, experiences, upbringing, resources, support system (what I like to refer to as the Village), tolerance level, moral compass, spiritual beliefs, religious practices, personal preferences, and above all else your children. There are no true parameters for “good parenting” beyond keeping children safe, healthy, and alive. Nope, not even love can be a mandate because some parents don’t have the capacity to love. That’s another blog post topic.

Some say that I’m a “bad parent” (#trashparent) because I have no holds barred & unrestricted transparent conversations with my children. Others feel my allowance of & participation in listening to music with profanity, vulgar language, & mature content strips me of my “good parent” badge. Many feel soliciting my children’s input on decisions, & giving them 90% autonomy over their lives is the true source of my “good parenting” demise. Oh and my son’s abhorrent disdain for religion – not God – is the epitome of me as a #trashparent. There are many things people choose to point out in their attempts to evaluate me as a parent. But, guess what? My children RESPECT me. They TRUST me 100% with EVERYTHING! They keep few, if any secrets, from me. They enjoy my company, and often request my presence & participation in things they do. Yep, even with their friends. My children are INTELLIGENT, RESPONSIBLE, INDEPENDENT, SELF-SUFFICIENT, & COMPASSIONATE. They are role models & sources of encouragement, inspiration, solace, & moral compasses for their peers. The list of positives is extensive when it comes to my children. No, they’re not perfect. Trust me! They are typical adolescents in may ways. All in all though, they don’t represent a #trashparent.

My children are now at the end stages of adolescence & approaching young adulthood. And, I’ve finally accepted that I never stopped being a “good parent”. Although our lines between friend & parent are blurred on a regular basis, and I allow way more freedom than I’m even comfortable with at times, my children are successfully thriving & meet the status quo for children of a “good parent”. They’ve each challenged my plans & image for their lives. But, they are not statistics, nor have they fallen into the typical negative norms of children from “broken homes” raised by a “single mother”. They’ve overcome obstacles & continue to ride the roller coaster of self-discovery with an ironic determination to validate me as a “good parent”. They remind me often that I’m the “best mom ever”. So, I’ll continue on in this role as #trashparent & enjoy the growth of my children as remarkable individuals.